So over the years I have gotten into a lot of conversations about racism, misogyny, LGBTQ++ and more. A lot of these conversations hinge on the idea of being either welcoming or even just understanding.
We often feel, in our own way, that we are both understanding and welcoming. We read books. We are polite. We certainly will shake a hand or even offer a friendly hug. And, yet, it is all too easy to miss something.
So years ago, or as they say in the movies, in a galaxy (life) far, far away, and certainly a long, long, time ago, I had a friend I worked with. His name was Hal Culmer. We were both managers for a movie theater. We had an absolute blast working together. We definitely got the job done, and we definitely laughed a lot.
One night, after work, so about 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, we went to Denny’s to get a meal. We were sitting there, laughing, and having a great time. I felt the need to share something with Hal, and I wanted to be honest as I also asked him a favor. You see, Hal was a young black man. So I told him that I had grown up in a racist family. My parents used all the racial slurs, and definitely had some hatred. So I asked Hal, if he wouldn’t mind, that if he ever heard me use a slur or if I ever did something racist if he would not mind correcting me. (Actually, I think I asked him to kick me in the backside.) He responded that he could not imagine me doing so, but that he would be more than happy to correct me and help me out.
You see, there is something I have realized, and maybe I knew it back then without understanding it. I am a white male. Part of what that means is that I don’t get to define what misogyny is. If I do something that comes across to a female as offensive, then it is wrong and offensive.
As a Caucasian, I do not get to define racism. If I do or say something that steps on the proverbial toes of someone of color, then I am wrong.
If I, as a heterosexual person, do or say something that crosses a line with someone who identifies on the LGBTQ++ spectrum, then I am wrong.
I do not have the right or the role to tell someone different from myself, or anyone, how they are to feel welcomed. Being welcoming means making space for others. This could be a physical space such as making room for the handicapped. It could be making room in my heart for those who are not like me. It means doing whatever it takes to make a person comfortable in an environment in which I have control. And in the same way, someone cannot tell me what pillows I like, what food I have to enjoy, or what makes me comfortable in general, I cannot dictate what someone else feels.
Here in lies the challenge for congregations in general, and for individuals specifically. We have to be more attentive to the needs and requirements for the safety of others. While it might make us, the followers of Christ, uncomfortable, it is worth pointing out that Jesus was made very uncomfortable for his friends. However, it is when we endure for one another that relationships are started, and friendships are forged. In this way, we learn to work and live together to the betterment of all. Once we achieve that, then our world, God’s Kingdom, becomes safe and comfortable for all of God’s children. And that is called justice.
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